The rage will not go away

I try to sit with it. Pull little pieces out and examine them bit by bit.

I have oodles to look through.

Things you said. Things I did.
Conversations and text messages. Emails.

Fuck you.

I'm abhorred. It's abhorrent.

On our side--

A life of beauty. Gardens. Sun. Dinners and our daughters laughter. We stood by--through the darkest times. And the goods that were promised, they were delivered. I revel in them now.

On yours--

I found the rest of that email thread. Where I declined. Where I stayed true. Again--promises made. And delivered. It's ready to file, with everything else--

All your fucking lies.
Deliberate.

Why?

You have ruined. So much. And you were not worth it.

All my tears.
That still fall.

I fulfilled my obligations.

You weren't looking for safety.
And you never wanted to be a father.

Just pay lip service.

I hope that you kill her. The one you ran to.
With your hands, or a disease you pick up.

I know you.

And I know who you could have been.
And the weakness you succumb to.

Why?

Coward.