Im sick

I'm sick of being scared.
I'm sick of not understanding what happened--

I'm sick of being angry at the people that werent there when you needed them.  The ones that let your daughter and I do the heavy lifting of being there for you.  And then snickered when you turned your back on us.

Why???

I'm sick of wanting to see you walk through the door.

I'm sick of thinking that, if you do walk through the door, you're here to hurt me.

Why?

She cried out yesterday that she wanted to see you. And she wanted to know when you would be better.

Why did you do this to us?

You stupid, selfish, crazy asshole.

I'm so sick of thinking about you.
It's useless.

Thinking about myself is a bitter consolation prize.