Untitled.

There's nothing to see here.

And I've let the people that can get the balls in motion know what was done to me.

I'm not going to forget.

Never.

But I am going to get better.

The Sadists Revenge

I hate you.

Not for what you've done to me. Our family. Who knows how many other women?

I hate what you have decided to become. 
The house we would build together.
The old age stares and The life well lived.
Wasted.

For transactional sex acts and Charles Bukowski.

Deliberately.

Why?
She asked you to stay forever.
And all you gave was silence.

Now--

I don't want the rage to build. Or take over. I don't want to feel justified.
Or shake my head, shrug my shoulders.
Or even watch you get better without us.

How dare you--

I want to cry over your corpse. And scream. Tear my hair and be dragged from the spot. Pound on your empty chest and finally feel like I was resonating in your heart.

I want the world to see me torn up over your failures as a person. And I want that viewing to be profound. 

Fuck everyone that believes your lies. You kept me like a secret. Conducted an investigation and trial in which I had no voice. 

Why?

All the hope I had in you.

Was a lie I told to myself.

You knew he was abusive.

I don't understand the malicious thrill of destroying a family.

But remember, Bitch

When his hands are around your neck, or he's inside you even though you said 'no'--

Homewrecking is its own reward.

The Altruistic Devil

Washington : Washington

You're the one killing this.

I'm the corpse. Floating face up fighting tunnel vision finality holding to the warmth of the sun on my face.
How could all our dreams die in resuscitation?

Why?

Did the nightmares become reality the minute I shoved them all aside and dared to hope for the happy ending?

All I want is a truce. But that's the death drive in me.
Its rotten. A fetid memory.

He will never stop. And he will never be sorry.
There are soft things at stake that shouldn't be broken.

This summer, while I drown in the heat of the sun,
I won't stop swinging.
I know what I am killing--

Everything that I hoped for.
Everything that I loved.

These dreams die to save Us.
I shouldn't love the one I Fear.
But I do.

And Love shouldn't be twisted to retribution.
And a Mercy Killing is still Murder.

But for the sake of my Love,
For my dreams, and for the next Sun,
I am not a coward.

I will end it.