I don't want any one

Talking to your sister today helped. But not really.

I got used.
I let my daughter get used.

I did it.

And I let people who gave no fucks about us have more head and heart space than I should have.

And that won't stop until I do.

It is going to suck when I have the callousness to hurt and use for my benefit too. When I no longer view self-interest as something to be unlooked at, unwanted, ignored.

I deliberately obfuscated the forest for the trees. Believed the lies when reading between the lines despite the writing on the wall because you told me to.

Because that's what made it work for you.

I just don't want to be this way anymore.
I don't like thinking like this anymore.

Everything is currency.
Exchanged on the body.

But I don't want it.

Now what?