Lol. Realizing that I have a "crush" on someone is a trip. Particularly, what constitutes a "crush" for me.
The nervous desire. The butterflies. Looking forward to their presence-- its all there. Every aspect that would make this person my "crush" is wrapped up in my interactions with them.
The funny part of the scenario is that I don't actually want anything except that small-talk level of conversation. Because everything else is absent, I feel safe.
No vulture behavior. No "I'm here to support you". No seeking me out to say hello. Not avoiding me, or holding me at arms length because the "I'm going through some crazy bullshit" approach. That's it. And its invigorating to me. Fantastic!
Damn. I really like being able to feel that. Its a relief. I'm not dead. There is hope. I'm small. Just like this silly thing. But I'm here. And its great.
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