I don't fucking "got this"
Im falling apart.
Im crying at work months later.
She's lost everyone and the only reason im dangling by the tiny thread I have left is because I can't fathom the guilt that would be leaving her as well.
Ive asked for help
At every juncture
From every available avenue.
And there is nothing.
Maybe just not being ok is where im going to live for the rest of this turn around my life.
Maybe ill watch her pine for him forever. Because I can't make these pieces fit into something I can live with.
It all happened. And I replay it over and over again. Saying "why" , desperate to turn back the time, but knowing that wouldn't have stopped what is happening now.
How far back would I have had to go? In my past? In his? In ours?
All I wanted were daisies. To have the promises kept. To find a way. I laid the groundwork. But the whole foundation was faulty. Castles built in the sand.
I started a memorial page. To treat it like the death that this is. Away from eyes, but connected enough that it could be found.
Come back. Come back. Here, the path. I cannot walk it for you, and every step here is on broken glass where I cannot find the ground. Im trying--
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